I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
