Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
