Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
