ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
