Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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