I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize