i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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