don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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