I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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