my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sobbing to NWA
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
