But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
