Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
