The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
where are you?
Hypothermia
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
