Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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