Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
