I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
