I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
