I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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