I just saw a hot homeless man
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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