Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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