What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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