If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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