i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
