he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Quick, to the slutcave!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
