Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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