I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
