508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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