I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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