Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
