I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
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Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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