Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
