Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize