i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
