The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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