If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
