Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
