You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
