it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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