So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
