I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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