i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
