no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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