does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
