Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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