That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
