not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
