babies were throwing up all over the place
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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