so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
