i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
