I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize