we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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