After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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