That's when you crack a 10am beer
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
