I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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