Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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