Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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