John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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