I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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