Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
