That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
