How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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