when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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