I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
FUCK WHALES
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
