we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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