I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The air was thick with penises
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
