The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
